It’s always amazing to me to see what life brings from year to year. If there is one constant, it’s that it’s always changing. Generally, I try to keep a positive attitude and just roll with the ups and downs. Even still, I don’t think I was really prepared for this year’s change. In truth, it’s not like the idea came out of nowhere. We’ve been talking, dreaming, dare I say fantasizing about doing something like this for a long time. The idea of stepping back from our established life and moving, has been toyed with repeatedly during our going on 15 years of marriage. We are both adventurers at heart, loving to travel and experience new things, but this year something changed…. my husband decided to pull the plug and launch our family off the cliff into a new beginning.
Initially I thought it was the same old conversation, much loved, just on repeat. “We need to move!” “I hate the heat!” “I don’t want to die in the desert!” “If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?”…etc etc. Only this time he started to take action, exploring areas and homes, making travel plans and preparing. It finally sunk in that this was a very real probability, and I won’t lie… a slight panic ensued. It was all fun and fantasy before, but now this was going to be a very large undertaking. We currently live in a large two story home, operate 5 businesses between us, have 3 children of various ages, 2 guinea pigs, 2 dogs, and an accumulated mountain of emotional attachment to our stuff, friends and activities. I personally am very comfortable in our life. I love what I do, and our kids are doing fantastic in their schools, so to a certain extent it felt like we were going to rock the boat unnecessarily. Not just rock it, but capsize it for no apparent reason other than we want to.
But that wouldn’t be the whole picture. I think the timing, if there ever is a right time, is right. My husband has suffered quite a few losses in the past few years and it’s really made him want to take a step back from work and refocus on our family for the next few years while our kids are still young. I’ve had an incredibly busy year and could really use a break from the norm. Our oldest just turned 20 and is well on her way of being completely independent. Our younger kids are open to the idea and resilient. Not to mention, we are both in our mid forties and starting to realize that this could be it for the rest of our life. So in many ways, this could be a huge reset button for all of us.
So here I am up to my eyeballs in boxes and decisions, somewhat shocked that this is actually happening. It was all well and good while it was still a fantasy, but there is a lot of reality that is now starting to set in and a lot of it hasn’t been entirely comfortable. I think it’s been surprising to both of us how much personal resistance we’ve encountered. My husband keeps saying he can’t believe that I have been having occasional melt downs through out this process. I’m the one who has always joked, “Just tell me when you want to go!”, and then here I am processing a range of emotions I didn’t expect. In some ways, it’s like dealing with grief. Some of the emotions seem unwarranted and surprising in the path they take. I’m not sure if this whole adventure will end up the way we want it to, but I do know that it will change us and has the potential to open up opportunities we didn’t have before. For that, I am excited.
