"Enjoy the Show"

It's hard to describe the last 4 months of life for me. I've felt excitement, stress(more than usual) frustration, worry....and that's just about my weight! In all seriousness, it's been a whirlwind of activity since I last posted anything. I say "posted", because I've been writing about lots of things: family, COVID, Christianity, religion and my views of the world. My wife won't let me publish these because she says this isn't the forum for it, and I think she's probably right. Maybe another blog, and another time. When the world shut down 4 months ago, I was left with lots of things in the air financially. I normally have a lot going on, and the shutdown hit me hard and stressed me out. It's rule #1 in business: you can't become successful without taking a chance and exposing yourself to failure, and it's why most people can't or won't start: they can't handle the insecurities of being self employed. When you start a business, its daunting, and you worry about all the usual things: employees, the market, competition, prices and normal everyday functioning of your business. The one thing you don't worry about? The world coming to a grinding halt. That's exactly what happened though, and I went from worrying about all of the above, to just wondering if people were going to pay me what they owed. Was my A/R just a number? Or was it real? Would terrified people still continue to pay or buy? Could I still pay my employees? Its incredible how insecure we are as a species, how fragile our economic system is, that our functioning society can be tossed into a maelstrom overnight. It was a stressful time for me, and I tried not talk to my wife about it. She had her own stresses with some health problems, worry about the kids and the daily rigors of stuffing and feeding 4 people in a 900 sq foot condo. It's natural to want to talk to your spouse about everything, until you realize that sometimes it's not healthy. No one person can be your everything: your spouse, your lover, confidant, shoulder to lean on, and idea board. I needed to preserve our good relationship, so I just assured her that everything was fine, and that allowed her to do what she does best. Things have improved! We got some relief from the government, I sold my flip house, business got a lot better when I secured some big accounts that I had been chasing. My economic status level went from "hunkering down, conserve all assets" to "which bottle of Burgundy do you want to drink tonight?" within few short months. No joke. This world is crazy. I was going to sell my house in Portland, and I was actually in escrow, twice. Twice it fell out. I don't know if it was God, the universe or just the daily spinnings of this planet, but we took notice. We listened. Now I'm renovating the house that I love. Life is like that sometimes. Sometimes you are in a quiet garden, and other times you are on a roller coaster, not knowing what comes next. I've decided that I'm putting my hands up and enjoying the ride.......